[Verse 1]
It’s my fault—not the accident of being born,
But every breath I kept taking after
When I should have learned to disappear.
My fault his hands learned my shape,
My fault they came back again and again.
My fault she knew and folded the truth
Into neat, livable silences.
My fault everyone knew
And called it something smaller
So they could sleep.
[Chorus]
It’s my fault the room stayed quiet.
My fault the doors stayed closed.
My fault the way pain grew legs
And followed me out of childhood like it belonged to me.
[Verse 2]
I learned how to carry it.
How to nod.
How to say I’m fine
While something inside me was breaking its teeth.
I learned how to bleed without leaving stains,
How to make myself easy to ignore.
That part is on me.
No one came.
There was only pain—
Constant, heavy,
Learning my pulse by heart.
[Chorus]
Now I’m older
And the blame never left.
Still being told it’s my fault—
Everything that goes wrong,
Everything that won’t stay in line,
Every crack somehow tracing back to me.
It’s my fault.
That’s what they say.
So I say it too.
I say I’m fine.
I repeat it until it sounds true.
I lie.
I smile.
Just for a while.
[Bridge]
Then the water finds me again.
Cold.
Familiar.
I’m drowning with my eyes open,
Lungs burning,
Hands slipping.
There’s nowhere to go.
No one to help.
And I don’t understand
Why I keep pulling myself back to the surface,
Why I keep breaking through for air
When breathing hurts this much.
Why can’t I just sink?
Why can’t I just drown?
[Verse 3]
I should have ended it back then—
Cut the story short,
Saved everyone the inconvenience
Of my survival.
If I had disappeared early enough,
Maybe the house would have stayed standing,
Maybe the smiles wouldn’t crack
When I walked into a room.
People would be happier
If I wasn’t around.
They say it all the time—
Maybe not with words,
But with absence,
With the way they look through me
Like I’m already gone.
[Chorus]
You sleep well at night.
I count everything I did wrong.
I replay memories like evidence,
Build my own conviction,
Sentence myself again.
All I want is to take flight—
Not toward hope,
Not toward light,
Just away from this body
That remembers too much.
Away from being the proof
That something ugly happened
And no one paid for it.
[Outro]
If this is the weight,
I’ll carry it.
If this is the blame,
Let it carve my name into stone.
It’s easier to believe I’m at fault
Than to believe I was left alone
And no one came.
So why am I here?
Why does my heart keep choosing to beat
When everything else is telling me to disappear?
Why can’t I just be gone—
Quiet, finally harmless,
No longer the problem
Everyone points to
But never saves?
