VERBATIM ORIGINAL (UNCHANGED): Spoken Intro (pub-style storytelling) “It was Christmas Eve, the snow was falling heavy. Santa was loading up the sleigh, humming carols, sipping on this hot cocoa. But somewhere between the cookies and the chimney smoke … he forgot the one thing he needed most: Directions.” --- Verse 1 Santa left the North Pole at half past nine, Am With a flask of cocoa and a box of wine. Mrs. Claus said, ‘Don’t forget your Map!’ But he waved her off with a jolly old clap. Chorus 1 Santa lost his GPS, he’s flying blind tonight, He dropped a gift in Paris when he meant to land in Hawaii His elves are sending smoke signals, the reindeer’s gone astray, It’s Christmas chaos everywhere on Santa’s holiday! --- Verse 2 He asked Alexa, ‘Where should I G go?’ She said, ‘Try the Moon, it’s got great snow.’ The reindeer groaned, ‘We’re not astroGnauts!’ But Santa just laughed, ‘I’ll connect the dots!’ Chorus 2 Santa lost his GPS, he’s circling outer space, He left a toy on Saturn and a doll on Jupiter’s face! The children on Earth are laughing waiting, but Santa’s far away, It’s Christmas chaos Feverywhere on C Santa’s holiday! --- Verse 3 He flew to Madrid when he meant to hit Newyork Delivered churros instead of roast pork. The children all cheered, ‘Santa, you’re the best!’ But their parents were angry grumpy - no turkey, to eat no time torest. Chorus 3 Santa lost his GPS, he’s mixing up the towns, He gave a cow in Texas a crown of paper gowns! The elves are faxing updates, the sleigh’s gone MIA, It’s Christmas chaos everywhere on C Santa’s holiday! --- Verse 4 He mixed up the stockings, gave some Dadd a Barbie doll,, And Grandma a skateboard - she rode down the hall. The dog got a sweater, the cat got a hat, And the baby got coupons for discount flat-pack. Chorus 4 Santa lost his GPS, the presents all went wrong, He gave a choir trombones when they just wanted a song! The reindeer are all giggling, his elves have run away, It’s Christmas chaos everywhere on Santa’s holiday! --- New Verse – Tech Support He rang the North Pole hotline, got stuck on hold, Am ‘Your call is important please stay on the line the call centre told. his elves said, ‘Try rebooting!’ Santa gave a sigh, ‘I miss the good old days of stars in the sky!’and joy and laughter too --- ‘We’re tired of zig-zagging!’ Dasher moaned aloud, ‘We flew through a drive-thru, Ans hit a thundercloud!’ The sleigh spun in circles, Rudolph lost his way, And Blitzen just muttered, ‘I’m done with that!’ every time, --- Call-and-Response Break (audience chant) • Lead: “Where’s Santa?” • Crowd: “Lost!” • Lead: “What’s he doing?” • Crowd: “Flying wrong!” • Lead: “Is it Christmas?” • Crowd: “Chaos strong!” --- New Verse – Celebrity Mix-Up He gave Beyoncé a box of Marbles, And Taylor Swift a football The stars just laughed, ‘Santa, you’re a tripping!’ ‘Next year, just send us a GPS chip!’ --- Redemption Verse He followed L