flood the memories down that drain
cast your storm with heavy rain
please, lord…
all this pressure with no support
don’t know, can’t reassure
mom mad at the mess, all the vomit on the floor
“kelsey, should’ve chose abort”… she cared less
i was sick, now my hero is pain to endure
she cared less, yeah the hurt is for sure
some things said that can’t be undone
still my light, my bright, my sun
crying in bed but she don’t see me
perfect hair, but it’s not easy
cuddles, toys, clothes all neat
nightmares still don’t let me sleep
oh boy, emotional, always drama they say
but they’ll never see the damage they made
why the fuck am i still in pain
from the ones who raised my name
break my leg then hand me a cane
call it love but it ain’t the same
lord forgive me, i’m so angry
feel like i’m going crazy
please just wash it all away
send your storm, your heavy rain
she spoiled me just to ease her mind
left the truth somewhere behind
got me thinking i’m just insane
misled thoughts running through my brain
“be thankful you’re fed, loved, and clean”
still hurting underneath the scene
silent thoughts stuck in my head
still hearing i’d be better dead
five years old, he stepped inside
made her happy, filled that side
treated me like i was gold
now that story’s turning cold
love and hate got intertwined
something broke inside my mind
why the fuck am i still in pain
from the ones who raised my name
break my heart then shift the blame
call me crazy, fuel the flame
lord forgive me, i’m so angry
feel like i’m going crazy
please just wash it all away
send your storm, your heavy rain
grown-up words i can’t erase
changed the way he saw my face
not his kid, not innocent
just something else, it made no sense
i brushed it off, i hid my fear
lost one dad…now 2
i don’t know the man who is standing here
maybe it was all those beers
but i remember loud and clear
if i listened, played along
that’s not something said to a son
or a daughter, old or young
that’s not love… that’s something wrong
next night, bar lights, drunk rage
like a lion freed from a cage
spoke my truth, lost control
burned it down, lost my soul
mom called him, asked what’s true
she didn't check up on me
i needed you… you weren’t there
chose his name over my despair
“kelsey, grow up, you’re 32”
they don’t see what i went through
they killed something deep in me
and still won’t face reality
learned psychology, tried to cope
still just hanging onto hope
bought me things, but that don’t heal
all the damage that i feel
they’ll die happy, i’ll stay scarred
living life still playing hard
ptsd inside my brain
still i show up through the pain
quiet now — i count what’s left behind
this hollow ache, the truth i can’t unbind
flood the memories down that drain…
cast your storm…
with heavy rain...
miss my actual dad
he'd never done me so bad
he'd wipe my tears when i am sad
he would had handled you too
cause he'd
