[Verse 1] Let me tell you 'bout Wendy, she's a lovely lass But behind the wheel, mate, she's a bloody hazard class When she were a teenager, seventeen years old Crashed into a parked car, bold as brass and cold Didn't see it there, she said, "It came out of nowhere!" Love, it were parked outside a Tesco, it weren't going anywhere That were just the start of her motoring career Prangs and bumps and scrapes, year after bloody year [Verse 2] There's been wing mirrors, bollards, the odd garden wall Reversing into pillars down at the shopping mall "It's not my fault," she says, "that post was in my blind spot" Wendy love, you hit a lamppost in a near-empty car park lot Insurance company knows her by her first name now They hear "Wendy's calling" and they all have a row About who's got to take it, who's turn it is this time But I love her to bits, even though her driving's a crime [Chorus] Don't fucking get us lost Wendy please! We've got two sat navs and we're lost in the trees How'd we end up here? Nobody knows Don't fucking get us lost Wendy please! The Lakes are that way, not down by the seas We'll never get there at this bleeding rate, oh no Don't fucking get us lost Wendy! [Verse 3] Remember that time down at Euston Station? Wendy checked the app, complete miscalculation "We've got loads of time," she said, cool as you like Ten minutes later we're running for our bloody life Sprinting through London like we're in the Olympics Bags flying everywhere, I'm having a cardiac Made it by the skin of our teeth, guard shutting the door Collapsed in our seats, couldn't feel my legs no more [Verse 4] Then there was Preston, oh what a classic tale Wendy said "This is us!" as the train came off the rail Well, not off the rail, but you know what I mean Got on the wrong bloody train, worst mistake I've seen Sat there all smug, tickets in our hand Train pulls away and we're heading to the wrong land Ended up in Kirkham, middle of nowhere like Had to get off, go back to Preston, catch the one to Poulton, right? [Chorus] Don't fucking get us lost Wendy please! We've got two sat navs and we're lost in the trees How'd we end up here? Nobody knows Don't fucking get us lost Wendy please! The Lakes are that way, not down by the seas We'll never get there at this bleeding rate, oh no Don't fucking get us lost Wendy! [Bridge] Now we're in the motor, heading for the Lakes Two sat navs on the dashboard, for heaven's sake One says left, the other says right Wendy picks neither, follows her "instinct" and her "sight" "I know a shortcut," famous last words Twenty minutes later we're lost in the suburbs "This doesn't look like Windermere," I gently suggest Wendy's gripping that wheel, doing her best [Verse 5] She's got her phone out, Google Maps on screen Zooming in and out like she's solving a crime scene "We're nearly there!" she says with confidence high Love, that's a Morrisons in Morecambe, we've missed it by five bloody miles The sat navs are screaming, recalculating the route Wendy's ignoring them both, following some absolute Mystery direction that only she can see At this rate we'll end up in Scotland by half past three [Chorus] Don't fucking get us lost Wendy please! We've got two sat navs and we're lost in the trees How'd we end up here? Nobody knows Don't fucking get us lost Wendy please! The Lakes are that way, not down by the seas We'll never get there at this bleeding rate, oh no Don't fucking get us lost Wendy! [Outro] But here's the thing, and I mean this true I wouldn't want to get lost with anyone else but you You crashed that car when you were just a kid And every prang since then, every daft thing you did Every wrong turn, every missed train connection Every sat nav ignored, every "shortcut" selection Makes a better story, makes me laugh till I cry So go on then Wendy, let's get lost one more time Don't fucking get us lost Wendy... please? (Ah, who am I kidding, we're already lost, aren't we love?)